I wasn’t alive in the 1950s, but since I’ve seen Mad Men, I feel I have enough information about the way men used to act, and I think they should get back to that. There’s always some dude on the 6 Train in the morning, and sorry to be racist, but it is a white dude usually with horn rimmed glasses who probably is like a senior editor of political affairs books, who will yell into the train (which is stuffed full of people) “THERE’S PLENTY OF ROOM IN THE MIDDLE!” in the shrill voice of a man who wears extremely supple leather gloves. And you know what, Lady Gloves, this train is crazy full crowded and so the room you are seeing in the middle is actually just the only space left indicating that we all still somehow have retained our separate human bodies, even though we are all so close that we are basically having sex. And then, Lady Gloves will use his body as a sort of snowplow and shovel a bunch of innocent people on to the train. So he’s on the train now and you’re like “Great, you made it on the train, Professor- let us all get back into the hard hitting reporting of AM New York, because I can’t wait to get to work and look online to find out which celebrity’s birthday it is (JEFF DANIELS!) I need that intel in the AM, motherf#$rs!” But Professor Lady Gloves still has more to say. He’s going to narrate the whole ride, and let us know what the space situation is like in the middle of the train- and how we could all move in and make room for this enormous wang of a human being.
I’m just saying, you do not see men acting that way on Mad Men, you see men tipping their hats, holding a door, giving a lady the old “polite eyes.” Act more manly is what I am saying, gentle manly.
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Fine, but if we’re reinstating Mad Men rules, I’d like to request that we also bring back the institutionalized drinking and a glass ceiling for women in the workforce.
I think both of those things are happening right now in our office.
Oh those people – I always just push my crotch up against their backs or forearms and breath on their necks really open mouthed or make sustained angry eye contact mixed with crotch-touch if they’re facing me. Or I’ll open my book and jab the corner into them (reading hardcovers for reasons I don’t want to get into here), mixed with crotch-touch and occasional angry eyes/mouth breath. I might also step on their toes. Sometimes I’ll say something like “Motherfuck, man”. I guess I’ll continue to do that, too, until I get arrested or whatever.
Off the topic, can you PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE do a movie review of 2012? It was cinematic glory that NEEDS mightamy’s fine wisdom. It was undescribable, indescribable, undescribulous…. WHATEVER! It was amazing!!!!!! Never before in the 00′s has a movie been made that was so 80′s (without attempting to be a kickback film.) It had all the elements: monologue phonecalls that end without “goodbye,” a bad acting American arch nemesis, Russian badasses, small dogs, limo chase scenes, avalanches, sinkholes, earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanos, and even pull-ups (for a pants peeing 7 year old.) It was like Indiana Jones joined up with High Fidelity for the most incredibly f-ed up movie ever. PLease Please PLease, if you have any love for me, whatsoever, watch this film and review it. Thanks, Mathryn